Any parents will readily admit that toddler parenting is daunting and a formidable test of patience. The non-stop interrogation of what's this and what's that is enough for you to pull your hair out. Having them running around banging on pots would make you grit your teeth sometimes. And when they keep pulling out that dog’s hair, uuurghh! you couldn't help feeling sorry for man’s best friend. At the end of the day you’re left physically drained with the occasional bruises and bumps. After all that chaotic melodrama, he’s still the motivation to face another day of mischievous and amusing antics. During this stage of his life that discipline needs to take its roots. A child will inevitably grow up a reflection of his upbringing anyway. There are a lot of discipline for toddler techniques available but none would be tailor made for one child.
Discipline and Punishment
In trying to discipline toddlers, keep in mind that toddlers are in their transition stage. Learning things by touching is crucial for them, so make your household childproof for a start. Have patience of steel. We will need this most as toddlers are very keen repeating the same questions or doing the same annoying things. Above all lead him with parental love and affection.
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One day a man took some time off work to spend time with his aging father. The man pushed his father's wheelchair onto a garden and they sat there. A robin landed among the branches and started chirping and the father asked the son, “what’s that bird son?” the old man asked “That’s a robin dad” the man answered. After a while the robin chirped again and the old man asked, “What’s that bird son?” the man answered “It’s the robin again dad”. No sooner the bird chirped again and the old man asked his son the same question. The son took a deep breath and said “It’s the same bird dad"
One day a man took some time off work to spend time with his aging father. The man pushed his father's wheelchair onto a garden and they sat there. A robin landed among the branches and started chirping and the father asked the son, “what’s that bird son?” the old man asked “That’s a robin dad” the man answered. After a while the robin chirped again and the old man asked, “What’s that bird son?” the man answered “It’s the robin again dad”. No sooner the bird chirped again and the old man asked his son the same question. The son took a deep breath and said “It’s the same bird dad"
The robin again sang feverishly and with all excitement the old man popped the same question, "What's that bird son?". Annoyed by the same question the son said "I've told your three times that it's the same bird. Stop asking the same question". The old man pulled his head up and said "I missed the days when you're growing up. I'd come back and throw you on my shoulders and we would run out back to watch the birds. Do you remember?" The son sat quietly. The old man continued, "You asked me the same question time and time again from the moment you're on my shoulders till your ma calls out for dinner and I never got tired of answering you. I was just happy and proud to teach you."...
Don't mess with this cutie...:)
Discipline and punishment are different things altogether. Discipline is a teaching based on communications and relationship. Punishment on the other hand, is simply based on unpleasant consequences of actions.
Instilling discipline for toddlers teaches them values which is of course our goal. Think of it as molding their minds from an early age to differentiate good from bad. It involves communications and this naturally promotes closeness and trust between parent and child.
Excessive use of punishment on from an early age will convey a different message. Toddlers grow up thinking it's still acceptable to do negative actions so long as their not caught . Punishment takes on many form but whatever it is and if the situation warrants, it's very crucial to explain to your toddlers why such action was necessary.
Some parents do punish their kids without explanation except for phrases like "I told you not to do that...!" But toddlers are naturally inquisitive and its up to parents like us to explain our actions. I grew up in an environment like that and sometimes i wonder what happened if mom did not stop me. I never did what i did anymore not because I knew the values but because I'm terrified of being punished again.
Even if there's no set of fixed rules to discipline toddlers, there are some effective methods that's applicable to most.
Praise and Encouragement.
Studies have shown that parenting toddler discipline with praise and encouragement yields higher positive results compared to punishment. Try catching them doing something right and reward them with praise and encouragement rather than catching them only when their wrong...like we always do.
Rephrasing
Rephrasing
Toddlers are more likely to response to softer approach. Even as adults, aren't we all? So instead of sounding like corporal punishment barking orders around, rephrase. Instead of "get that..." bring me..." "don't do that...", try "would you....please?" or "could you...please?".
Substitute and Distraction
Substitute and Distraction
When your toddler is doing something you don’t approve off, for example banging on pots (which really annoys me), try substituting pots with an appropriate object with less noise. If that doesn’t work, distract. Get him to draw instead of hitting objects. Toddlers are fascinated with visual effects especially when they’re the one doing the effects. Or simply do a silly dance...it'll be good for your aerobics i must admit. If your tots tends to pull the dog’s hair out, just don’t substitute the dog with a cat. Cats have less patience.:)
Ignore
Sometimes this works best. Unless if it's in a busy supermarket and every eyes are on you as if you've committed a crime until they see him rolling around the floor clutching a pack of cheese balls...happened before? Ignore. In order for this toddlers parenting technique to be effective, its crucial to have everyone's cooperation. It's hard to pull off when granny's around though.
Offer choices
Offer choices
Allow your toddler to make choices occasionally. For example, get him to choose between a ninja turtle or barney shirts when giving a change of clothes.This will provide him a sense of control and appreciation. It promotes trust and you will have less power struggles. He must however be made to understand that sometimes there is no choice but yours. Do not compromise safety.
Time Out
Time Out
Time out is a very effective toddlers parenting technique. Some might interpret this as punishments but it all depends on how it's executed. Pick an isolated spot within your scope of vision in your house and face or sit him facing the wall. Keep in mind your goal is to drive home the message that he has committed something unacceptable and to give him time to reflect and regroup. After your time out, pull him aside and ask if he understood why you did this. If he does, then all's good and you've achieved you're goal. If he does not, then it's our duty as a parent to get the message across.
When you're instilling discipline for toddler, try to avoid this...
Spanking and caning, the favored discipline technique of yesteryears. For parents it will provide instant results. Message received LOUD and PAINFULLY. It shows who's in control. Your request will sound more like a command and attended or obeyed with no questions asked. Life's easier. As a children discipline technique, it might result in mental/physical scar or distress. Obeying without questions will hinder their learning process. Punishment instill fear instead of respect and resentment instead of affection. Its not uncommon to hear grownups still traumatized by their childhood punishments. It's not forbidden per-se but always ask yourself whether the situation warrants such punishment.
Raising your Voice
Raising your Voice
It's not uncommon i do admit. We are only humans and toddlers parenting does test your limits. However I try to avoid this altogether. Raising your voices on every instant a child does something wrong will lead your child to believe that it's the way to get messages across. They will mimic your actions and probably will grow up yelling to everyone that's got in their way. I dread my child yelling at me when he grows up. So start early and avoid raising your voice constantly as it will render your child parent deaf.
Giving in to tantrums
Giving in to tantrums
Patience required and for once we act deaf. Giving in means you lose, they win. If they figure this out and they will, what's stopping them from doing it in public or to your friends. He might be thinking "I won my mom over, I can win with this...." funny but it's true. Avoid giving in to tantrums and save yourself being in some awkward situations.
Many times over and if it could be measured, I said mine twice round the globe. And what about that repeating questions. How often does he ask you what's that hairy thingy hanging down the dog's backside or what a mobile phone is while hacking your recently laminated floor with your brand new Nokia? It's frustrating at times I must admit and it makes you want to run head on into a wall.
What keeps me sane from their re-run question is the fact that toddlers are naturally inquisitive. However there are communication techniques that could help not to eliminate repeated questions but to effectively get the message across. So instead of asking what a dog tail is (...what did you think it was :)..)10 times over, they will stop asking at the 5th re-runs or less. So keep in mind, the best discipline technique is only as good as your toddler communication skills.
Toddler parenting could be anything but a punishment. It's a wonderful transition period for them and we should be proud and happy to instill values and mold them to the best of our limited abilities as parents. There's no one set of fixed rules to discipline toddlers but when in doubt, here's what I found to be helpfully truthful to me and I hope for you too.
Keep in mind though that in parenting discipline toddlers, your communication technique is important. How often did you find yourself asking your child these "What did I tell you the last time?"..."Do you understand what I just said?"..."What did I just say?".
Many times over and if it could be measured, I said mine twice round the globe. And what about that repeating questions. How often does he ask you what's that hairy thingy hanging down the dog's backside or what a mobile phone is while hacking your recently laminated floor with your brand new Nokia? It's frustrating at times I must admit and it makes you want to run head on into a wall.
What keeps me sane from their re-run question is the fact that toddlers are naturally inquisitive. However there are communication techniques that could help not to eliminate repeated questions but to effectively get the message across. So instead of asking what a dog tail is (...what did you think it was :)..)10 times over, they will stop asking at the 5th re-runs or less. So keep in mind, the best discipline technique is only as good as your toddler communication skills.
Toddler parenting could be anything but a punishment. It's a wonderful transition period for them and we should be proud and happy to instill values and mold them to the best of our limited abilities as parents. There's no one set of fixed rules to discipline toddlers but when in doubt, here's what I found to be helpfully truthful to me and I hope for you too.
- KNOW YOUR CHILD – only you can
- SEE WHAT THEY SEE...and
- BE A CHILD YOURSELF
Happy parenting...here's one last video I like to share with you, my favorite. Toddlers can be brutally honest.... :)
